Perdon

Perdon

-Jae Vel

 

Que noble te viste pidiendo miles perdones
suplicante te disculpaste despues de que me apunalaste una vez mas
Por que pides perdon si lo que buscabas era lastimarme una vez mas?

 

cada palabrita que paso por tus labios, puras mentiras

una vez, yo te creia todo, disculpame a mi por no saber la verdad de tu vacio corazon
que pretendias con esos perdones?

pensaste que con unas palabras despues de tanto silencio iba  borrar el dolor?

 

Tonto fue mi Corazon, pero mas tonto tu, por creer que un perdon cambiaria mi fortaleza

 

tragate esos perdones que a mi ya no me sirven

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edge of Oblivion

Edge of Oblivion

-Jae Vel

 

On the edge of oblivion,

 

Her heart pauses when she needs to react

The beckoning darkness a constant jest

 

edge of oblivion…

 

Hanging on to life,

oh, that smile

 

On the edge of oblivion she teeters

Inundated with memories and fears

 

power she can give,

or take away

which is it today?
no, she is not “okay”

sorry, not sorry, which is it today?

 

drowning in words,

but aren’t words only words?

 

the edge of oblivion nears

and silence is all she hears

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking On Paper

Thinking on Paper

By Jae Vel

I like to think that the conversations we had have stuck with you

I like to think that you wear black for me

I like to think that you wear black in hopes that I will one day see

That I will see and I will know you have been thinking of me

I like to think that in a crowd of people that you always look for me

That when you listen to the ballads and songs of loss, you are thinking of what could have been

I like to think that you care and try to show me in little ways that only I would understand

I like to think that I was not wrong about you

I like to think that the choices you made were for my benefit

I like to think that I knew you

I like to think I haven’t deluded myself and made more of things than truly was there

I like to think that one day you will ask for my forgiveness

I like to think that you will come back one day after you realize that what we felt was real

I like to think that when that day comes it will be too late for “I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

 

Tonto Corazon Parte II- La Jornada

Escribi la primera parte de esta serie en Marzo del 2015, cada dia me llegaba ideas para escribir la parte II, pero no pude terminarlo… Aqui tienes la parte II, ahora voy a trabajar en la ultima parte que sera ” la resolucion”, quizas con cada dia que pase las experiencias de mi vida me ayude a terminar esta jornada de palabras….

 

Parte II- La Jornada

by Jae Vel

 

Tonto corazón cuánto has sufrido

Pero, vuelvo a empezar

Día tras día por cada esquina

Recogiendo los pedazos de mi tonto corazón

Pasó a paso viajo lejos del dolor

Caminado la calle del olvido

Por cada recuerdo que llega, un desvío

Por cada paso hacia al frente, una esperanza de vivir

Horas, días, meses, sonriente y libre

Pero un segundo de obscuridad

Puede borrar todo

 

Vuelvo a empezar la jornada

Sin mirar a tras, ni un segundo

las esperanzas de volver a la vida

me sostienen a pesar de cada fracaso

 

Pedazo por pedazo cambio mi corazón

Soldando una pared alrededor

Cambiando la forma

Creando un corazón impenetrable

 

Y me pregunto a diario,

Estoy cambiando para una vida mejor

O voy por un rumbo peor?

Dirá,  el tiempo

 

Cada pedazo que recojo del suelo

Me da la fuerza de seguir en mi jornada

La calle está llena de corazones quebrados

Quizás los pedazos que encuentro no son míos

Pero ya casi completo el rompecabezas

 

Con mi cabeza en alto, mis ojos hacia al frente, camino por el caos de la vida

Llevando las experiencias de otros mezclados con las mías

La sabiduría de los corazones destrozados será la luz contaste en mi jornada

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dream vs Reality (Jae Vel)

You came to me in a dream,

You pulled away as I reached out to you

You were shaking your head slowly as you spoke

 

As I looked upon your face, you were smiling,

your  eyes shimmering as before

You took my hand, looked me in the eyes

and said the words I wanted to hear

with each syllable,

a piece of the sorrow that surrounded the heart of me, dissipated

 

I prayed to never wake from the dream, and on and on it went

each word you spoke, every scene, unfolding piece by piece

until the final resolution

I woke up in peace, as if the final chapter had ended; the story over

 

The suffering and pain of the many years of silent torment disappeared in that dream

The door finally had closed, but,

I closed it!

Not you!

You were never here, never said the words I was longing to hear

My consciousness fed me the lines through your lips that I had conjured, using the sound of your voice that I had not forgotten, to help me along my journey

I guided myself, to this point of complete peace,

If I see you again, let it be in a dream,

for it is there that we could finally speak our truths…

 

~Jae Vel

I’m adding time to each day by eating dessert first…

Happy New Year, I have been on a writing hiatus and spent most of my days circling back to the subject of time.

 

Ever feel like there is never enough time in a day? That’s the story of my life, between work, family, friends, reading , writing, my daughter’s extracurricular activities and more, I have nothing left. That’s why I have decided to add time to each day. Yes,  I will create time, I seem to find time to create excuses, time to stare off into nothingness, then I should find time to create time. No, I have not lost my mind, though some days I feel I have gotten pretty close, I can still function in society.

I have found a way that works for me.

So, how will I create time?

I can’t sleep any less, yet,  I can’t seem to have enough time to finish my daily tasks I give myself. I either create more time in the day or decrease my tasks? I work a typical day 8am-430pm, Monday-Friday, in where ironically enough I speak to my clients about finding time for themselves. Time to exercise, time to eat, time to come see me. Yet, I cannot find the necessary time to do what I love.

I have tried different ways to rearrange my schedule and prioritize my days, because I’m the type of person that wants to use as much time as possible in a day, even if it means losing sleep. I can’t think after doing so much in a day let alone form coherent written thoughts. For years I overworked my mind, my emotions and my body until finally my body decided to fight back, or more like quit. I spent months unable to move without  fatigue plaguing my body and making me quit the things I loved the most. I spent months away from work because I could not function to capacity. I had to take time to heal, recoup, regenerate, and it all circled back to that dreaded word, Time.

I am learning to make the most out of my days, but not because I am accomplishing everything on my to do list on a daily basis. I have decided to create time by choosing what is most important to my mind, body and soul each day. Now, I’m pretty much back to my normal energy levels, tanks are refueled, batteries are fully charged. Some days, writing takes a back seat to my daughter and husband, and I realized that it is OK to not do everything. I’m only human and I choose to do what makes me happiest daily. Some days I choose writing over my family, work over writing, reading over work, etc., etc., but as long as I’m fulfilled, time does not seem as important. Doing what truly makes me happy, even if it changes daily, makes me feel like I’m adding time in the long run, I’m adding time to my life.

Life is too short to worry about time, time is not only measured by hours in a day. Time is measured by how you spent that day.

Life=time, time=Life.

Let’s add time to our life by having dessert before dinner.